People People People...

I sometimes don't understand the way some people think and work. When my lecturer used to tell us about office politics and stuff, we used to laugh like mad and swear to never get caught up in it. But is it really possible?

"Don't trust anyone but yourself"

I was told this and I really agree with it. I've let my guard down and it's time to get it back up cause if I don't......... I'm not really sure what will happen but yeah... I just have to.

I sometimes don't understand the way some people work. For me, Shaliza was always the best with her open door policy. If there is a problem, it's much easier to get it solved in that way. But some people just like keeping everything inside. I don't know, but I think I trust people too much. So much so that I get into trouble for nothing. I feel bad for nothing. And seriously, if I am going to feel bad for a person and get into trouble for it, I'd rather not care at all.

Was talking to spongebob and he said that the environment in Exxon has changed. It's not like when I used to work there and my first response was, "Of course la! hahaha...it's cause I left! XD"

So yeah, I guess things are changing. I don't know why, I used to trust people a lot. I'd talk to them about just anything. But they've somehow disappeared. Now, it's so super hard to find even one person to talk to whom I can really trust. In the office, they say rumours spread fast and you've got to watch what you say. Doesn't anyone ever tell a joke anymore? Not everything said is everything meant you know. Somethings are just said to lighten the mood and release tension and stress. Now I know why Alvin and all used to say that they like seeing the new auditors cause the girls come in hot but in 2 to 3 years time, they don't want to see them anymore. @.@ at that time I thought they were super mean but..... it may actually be true. With the lack of sleep, lack of laughter and lack of smiles, anyone would look a hundred years older in 2 to 3 years.

Sigh...I couldn't sleep again last night. I've told myself before that I shouldn't care about what people say or think about me because I know me best and if I know that I didn't do anything wrong, then I don't have to worry.

For a fact, I know that I didn't do anything wrong. But that is by my standards. I don't know about other people's standards. I keep second guessing myself and wondering if what I am doing is actually right. I guess there really is no right or wrong thing to do as different perspectives would give you different views. But it's still keeping me up.

On a lighter note, I'm getting fatter! @.@ hahahaha!!! I have no idea how that is a lighter note, but, it seems more fun than me being depressed XD

People are soooooooooo complicated... I should know, cause I'm one :)

Stop and restart...

The last time I posted here was Jan 2010....It's been more than a year since I've updated this blog. I kind of miss it. I can't really remember why I stopped posting here.

I looked at it awhile ago, and I thought, where did all those happy smiles on my banner go?
They seem to have disappeared. Vanished into thin air. But I guess I was younger at that time. Happier at that time. More positive at that time.

When I smile nowadays, it's a different smile. Older somehow. Amazing how a smile can change over the years. But I want to make it a point to smile. And make it a point to stop worrying about things that are out of my power. I want to bring that smile back. The one that makes me and everyone around me feel like a million bucks.

But the question now is....how?